Apocalypse Now D#14

Sifting through half memories, half truths, full thoughts. The more of my conscious domain I seek to conquer, the deeper the depths sink, the farther the heavens reach, the larger the circuits grow. I try to live my life in the most stress free way possible, never lying or deceiving, never believing without some proof. Yet I must have been confused the day I let those evils in my brain, those demons that are at my sides and back. Though I walk forward on the righteous path, my footsteps are dogged by my own wicked pursuits. There is no explanation I can give to justify my thoughts, the inner ethers that are vaporized in the hours of waking. Even in the most simple and stress less life I seek to lead, I am still being consumed by what I must truly wish for. My dreams, a blue sphere at the peak of all efforts, hands grabbing me, clawing my face, biting my heels, nails digging into skin, drawing blood and seeping corruption all drag me downwards, earthwards, hellwards. Sometimes faith is a scream of desperation, an emotion, an demand of my soul that bids me onwards, tearing back at the wickedness that I am of, deny, and am fighting against. I scream, louder than the shouts of my evils, louder than the wailing of temptation "turn back and lay at ease". Shatterstar, a sign of my own corruption, yet a fragment of my will. The rusted sword of the word. Should my words break upon the backs of my enemies, I still charge headfirst into the gaping mouths of those who wish to consume me. With broken blade and failing armor, simply with force of will I will charge. I don't even feel worthy, for with every word for the righteous I have said dozens for the sinner. I can't keep walking the path of my fallen forefathers, I must strive and diverge from the familiar, in only such a way can I reach for my goal.